A Million Reasons to be Thankful for Failure

Five years after he was exposed for fabricating and embellishing a large part of his life in the best-selling faux-memoir A Million Little Pieces, James Frey returned to the Oprah show last week. Filmed on a closed set far away from the critical glare of the public, many of whom still feel betrayed by the author for selling the entirety of his addiction story as truth – Oprah and James had the kind of intimate and far-reaching conversation many wish they could have with an adversary. The kind of conversation which brings closure to an event that set your life on fire.

Clearly Frey has climbed out of the rubble of his own personal earthquake and used his own destruction as the foundation for building the kind of life he had always wanted to live. Not a bad example for a person who has experienced personal, career, and financial hardships and wants nothing more than to make sure it doesn’t eliminate my chances at success.

As a James Frey fan, both before and after his fall from grace in 2006, this interview was must-see television. I found every inch of the interview fascinating. Turns out, my husband did as well. Given that we often view things very differently, I was surprised to learn we both gleaned the same insights from the interview.

My husband said, 'I think me, you and James have been on a similar journey. A lot of what was exchanged between the author and television host was entirely relevant to our own lives.'

What he was referring to is failure. All three of us has have experienced failure, allowed our ego to overcome our rational thoughts and ultimately events so ugly and costly to our well-being, became the catalyst for a significant conversion in our lives. When I use the term failure, I refer to my own failures over the last several years – most of which were caused by losing sight of what’s truly important, not following my passions and letting my ego destroy my value. 

As James said in the interview about the experience of being publicly hated and exposed, he would not be where he is today, a published and successful author who can profit off of his passion for writing and a happy husband and father of two had his life not come crashing down in 2006: 

"I think I'm a better person. I think I'm a better writer. I think I'm happier. I think I'm more at peace," James said. "In a way, as bad as it was, it was one of the best things that happened to me. Sometimes you need to go through bad things to arrive at a good place."

When it came out that large parts of his memoirs were literary fabrications, it didn’t really change the fact that I enjoyed reading his books, that they made me laugh and that they inspired me to want to write about my own experiences. In the wake of the Frey controversy, I emailed him notes of support and when his novel Bright Shiny Morning came out several years after his public stoning, I bought it full price in hardcover and devoured it during a few trips to the beach. 

For me, James Frey was someone I related to. I have always found people who have experienced massive failures more interesting than those who simply follow a straight and narrow path and don’t take risks. The beauty is always in seeing how people react to failure. James and I also share the same insights on life and people. Like me, James is fascinated by the obtuse, fringe characters he meets in life and profoundly influenced by big personalities.

So when I heard he would be back on Oprah, I had to tune in. Turns out, I still relate to him. Like myself over the past several years, Frey has returned from the brink knowing more than he did before his collapse and said he thinks about God, Jesus and the afterlife daily. I have been on my own renewal and spiritual path of late. I'm proud to say that I have managed to convert from a self-defeating nihilist (translation – I didn’t believe in a higher purpose) to a confirmed Catholic (more on that another time). 

But back to the interview where Oprah discussed the revealing epiphany that lead to her asking James to return to the show as one of her final guests. This was what was so great about the interview and why Oprah is in a master class of interviewers – she knows that you must reveal your own flaws and shortcomings in order to get your subject to divulge their own truth. This same rule can be applied to build and enhance friendships.

Oprah wrapped up the interview with a Gandhi-esque insight so typical of many of her shows (Full DISCLOSURE: I’m a new Oprah convert – I was never a fan until I lost my job back in November – but I get it now – the woman is a prophet): 

“That makes all the sense in the world to me because I think that all of us are on a path to really figure out what is the truth of who we are and to find out a way to honor that. I think otherwise your life is a lie, no matter who you are or what you are doing. And so to be freed, to be true to who you are, that was the gift.”

Failure is a gift.!? Well I guess it’s been Christmas in my life for some time. But luckily lately because of the failures that are in my wake, it has felt more like New Years day lately. And like James, failure is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Oh No I've Said too Much

Once upon a time I fancied myself a writer. As a teenager, I wrote quirky short stories and read them aloud to friends. As a post college graduate, I got paid to write for newspapers, but it wasn’t really the kind of writing I wanted to do and I was broke all the time. I then went into public relations and other than the professional writing I did for work, I stopped working toward my true writing goals and became a cliche. I talked about writing a book, but I was so afraid of my own truth, I stopped writing anything, yet I still referred to myself as a writer. I thank my husband for mocking me for talking more about writing, than actually writing. There’s only so far a husband's level of support can go before it dilutes the other person’s ability to succeed. Thanks for calling me out on this repeatedly Jay.

Here’s my attempt to reclaim the working title of writer. I want to thank my cousin, Life Coach Paige, for encouraging me to write this blog. I also want to say right off the bat that the kind of writing I intend to include in this blog is inspired by my favorite pop cultural essayists – Tom Wolfe and Chuck Klosterman. And yes, 
the title of the blog is an homage to my favorite Black Crowes song.

My only criteria for starting a blog, is that it be as truthful and authentic as possible. I made a vow to myself that I would share warts and all experiences here in this space. While it would be less uncomfortable to write mostly about the pleasant things in my life, I would be doing myself a huge disservice if I didn’t write about everything. This is also an attempt to highlight my writing abilities so that I can eventually get the kind of writing job I have always wanted. 

I hope to share insight, write essays about pop culture, religion and the travails of life in this forum. For those of you saying, what the frig’ does Jill know? Well, I can only say that I will work diligently to make myself worthy of your interest.